It drives you crazy. You know what I’m talking about?: Those blasted blinkin’ beeping things. From the time the morning alarm goes off, you’re surrounded.

You get in the car. Start ‘er up. Then, ten seconds later there’s a loud “ping, ping, ping, ping” because you haven’t put your seatbelt on yet. Yes, it’s for your own good. Okay, I get it.

Then, when you get out of the car, it also starts beeping or chiming because you forgot to turn your lights off, or your keys are still in the ignition. Nobody wants a flat battery. But on a Monday morning when you’re a tad fragile, arghhh!

But that’s just the beginning of bloody beeping. Think about it, your house is probably full of stuff that beeps.  If you own a microwave you know it beeps and rings and dings for anything you heat up. No wonder they call it ‘ding food’.

Microwaves are meant to alert you. Only, they don’t sound a siren when your kid puts a metal spoon in there and the whole thing starts sparking and catches fire, do they? No, you are on your own then. That is, until the fire engine comes.

Then there’s the fridge. Wait for a bit, checking out what’s hiding in the back. Suddenly, it starts beeping at you too. Probably in sympathy with the microwave, which secretly hates not getting enough of your attention.

Of course, the refrigerator’s 'door open beeping alert' is meant to save you from the horrors of bacteria like lysteria, or hairy mould growing all over your tomato paste, pumpkin, and cheese. But couldn’t it flash a polite light or something? I mean, you don’t need to be screamed at by whitegoods (Actually, back in the day your parents did that, shouting,  “Shut the fridge!”).

That was bad enough back then, but today? They are lounging by the pool. Sipping tall drinks with little umbrellas. Enjoying all the countless hours they've gained. Just because your beeping fridge means they no longer need to yell at you.

Try doing the laundry. Your washing machine (and maybe even your dryer) have got a range of chimes and beeps telling you to program, stand back, keep your hot little hands in your pockets, and then hurry up and get the stuff out before the whole load spontaneously explodes.

It’s enough to get you twitching with tension. On top of that, your computer chimes and chirps ("Ta-daaaa!"). Your phone beeps and rings, your alarm shrieks, your iron goes off its face. And, if you leave it alone too long, your car key fob gives your car the chirps (and that is hard to fix). Then, for effect, all your other wonderfully convenient appliances kick in for their bit too.

No wonder you get stressed.

Back in the day, when your grandma was knee high to a rice grain, she didn’t have all that noise. Somehow, they managed to live the day out without things dinging and beeping. Tough I know, but they did it.

They had it easy. Scrubbing on their knees all day. Tanning hides in the kitchen. Feeding critters at the back door, and scraping up ashes in the fireplace. Truly, those were the good old days.

But at least they didn’t get dinged to death by blasted beeping shrieking things!

I’m sick of them. But I know just the cure: a pair of earplugs.

Just don’t blame me if your car battery goes flat. Or, your food gets covered in mould that does a Mexican wave every time you open the fridge door. And, you miss all your calls while you iron burns a hole through your stack of shirts waiting to be ironed. And, why you're going to be late for work. Every day this week.

Can’t have everything, can you?


Blame Coffee

Blame Coffee

Helmets On! We're in a Trade War

Helmets On! We're in a Trade War