Beware of The Dog

Beware of The Dog

Because my father-in-law is very religious, he can’t say, “poop.” Nope. And not even “poo” will do.

Which is funny to me. Because where does it say in the Bible, thou shall not say poop or poo??  

Tiny things for tiny minds. So obviously mine must be microscopic.

So we laugh about it. At his expense. Actually we do it for free. Because it’s just so funny. 

But you know what they say.

Tiny things for tiny minds. So obviously mine must be microscopic. And some would agree with me.

Because it tickles me every time I think about it. Like when he sees a dog pile in the street and says in a warning voice, “Dog, Al. Dog! Mind the dog!” 

It’s like when 2 year olds squish whole sentences into two words. Like, “Food now”, or “Dog go”.

Which in this instance would mean, “Watch out! You’re about to put your foot into a stinking high pile of… dog.”

Guess it’s a sign of the times. Because I think now we’re all more acquainted – some would even say intimate – with dogs poop.

By the way, if you’re like me then this whole thing is not about poop, crap, doo-doo, shoe sticker, or dog pile, but “poo”. Which is the right word?

Well it depends which university you went to. And the kind of crap you had to do.  In my case, I went to the University of Poo, in Waterloo. But if you did Poop somewhere else… well, that’s fine too.

We can translate. And, don’t take the high ground mentioning that Winnie the Poo crap. It has nothing to do with small plush toy bears, donkeys or piglets.

But that’s an aside. From the poo and dog perspective you could say we’re more bonded to our dogs these days.

And we have standards.

So, now when you walk your dog, a lot of places expect you to carry a little plastic bag. And then pick up your dog’s poo and put it in the bag. Then either carry it home or put it the trash.

...for some reason even the smallest dog does a family sized pile

Pretty straightforward really.

In theory. It’s a matter of fact thing to do. And I’ve seen lots of people get stuck into it and take the whole process very seriously.

So when their dog has done its deed (and for some reason even the smallest dog does a family sized pile), owners lunge at the crap. Then bag it.

In one ‘foul’ swoop.  

Like they work in forensics. And plan on taking it back to the lab for evidence. Of… something nobody wants to know about.

Now because I don’t own a dog, this is an interesting curiosity. The way they handle it so smoothly. Guess they’ve had plenty to practice with.

But it’s a bit hard to swallow the thought their dear little doggy’s poo has just been freshly laid. While not exactly piping hot, these poo piles are certainly still warm (and in winter, even steaming). Which apart from being pretty icky is incredibly intimate if you ask me. 

Bottom line? You’ve got to love your dog a lot to handle that fact.

I mean, unless you’re a dung beetle (and I would confidently assume nobody reading this has been or ever wants to be a dung beetle), it’s an unusual kind of relationship, isn’t it?

For instance, imagine you’re a dog walking along. Then, feeling the need, you pick a spot. And there, beside the roadside, with more than a bit of pride, you do a poo.

Seconds later, your human master snatches it away, grabbing it with their hand in a thin plastic bag. Then sticks the poo – your poo – in their pocket.

Now what would you make of that?

I can confidently say no other mammal does that. Okay, there are exceptions,

Mind the baby, dear. The baby!  Don’t want to get any baby on you!

Some patiently eat their offspring’s poo. That’s true. And lots of dogs particularly tend to do amazing and shocking things with poo too.

It doesn’t bear thinking about.

But it also shows what human beings will stoop to do too. And I reckon that’s a sign that dog owners in general must really care about their pet’s welfare,

Because it’s not like you’d do it for anyone else. Well, other than a baby. But that’s different. Sort of.

Kinda.

Which makes me wonder how my father in law ever managed with nappies (diapers). Mind the baby, dear. The babyDon’t want to get any baby on you! Oh look! You have!

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