Soyuz Rocket Dramatic Catastrophe

Soyuz Rocket Dramatic Catastrophe

Rockets aren’t reliable. And the Soyuz rocket launched yesterday proves it.  

Some 90 seconds after take-off, all hell broke loose. Or, in space agency terms, there happened to be “a malfunction.”  

Russian officials are trying to identify why their venerated Soyuz rocket packed it in. Already, some suspect it was a Friday item (that is, the rocket came out of the factory faulty because it was made on a Friday when error rates soar).

Already, some suspect it was a Friday item (that is, the rocket came out of the factory faulty because it was made on a Friday when error rates soar).

For now, officials can confirm it’s a booster problem. Without enough thrust, there simply isn’t enough staying power to propel the crew of two up into space to Alpha One. And Soyuz needs a lot of oomph to take it there.

The crew, cosmonaut Serge Gedinup, and astronaut Nick Tuhspase, owe their survival to the crafts emergency brake. Deciding to pull the dropdown red lever 24 seconds after the mission went pear-shaped, saved their lives.

Immediately, the emergency escape system kicked in. By disconnecting the crew’s capsule from the faulty rocket, it stopped them thrusting upward and deployed the multi-phased landing equipment.

Though they are alive, reports say the G forces were incredible. Equivalent to being shoved up the rear, whilst stationary, by a prime mover travelling at 160 miles an hour. Fortunately, their 6-month space training at the Baikanour Cosmodrome Academy and Skating Rink meant they were prepared.

While this mission was a failure, the crew are philosophical. Relaxing on a couch sipping Mai Tai’s at the press conference after their ordeal, Tuhspase told the press, “We sure got shook up. Uhuha. But we made it back.  Besides, I always wondered what would happen if we pulled the red lever. Now I know.”

Relaxing on a couch sipping Mai Tai’s at the press conference after their ordeal, Tuhspase told the press, “We sure got shook up. Uhuha...”

Landing hard in the Kazakhstani Desert some 254 miles from the launch site, the crew were quickly rescued. Then sent to medical facilities to undergo medical tests. This was to ensure they hadn’t received major internal injuries, such as serious thrust hernias (common amongst space shuttle crew).

Space agencies, Roscosmos and NASA later released a press release, saying, “The boys are back in town and everyone is safe. So there’s nothing to see. We’ve got lots of Soyuz rockets to launch. So it’s time to move on.”

 

 

 

Is Your GPS Driving You Off A Pier?

Is Your GPS Driving You Off A Pier?

Fitness Trackers Measure Heartbeat in Toilet Paper 

Fitness Trackers Measure Heartbeat in Toilet Paper 

0