Don’t Look Now But …
I’ve got news for you. Yep, serious news.
Truth is, they know all about you and they’re after you right now. Better close the curtains and turn the TV down and, whatever you do, don’t go onto Facebook.
I’m talking about conspiracy theories. I’ve got a theory that all the conspiracy theories are actually part of one big conspiracy. Nobody ever admits to it, but I reckon it’s true.
People are adamant that 9/11 was a conspiracy. That the US Govt. took everyone out to prove they had to bomb Iraq to get the oil at a discount because they were still trying to pay off the debts from faking the Apollo Moon landings. True.
You know the Moon landings were fake, don’t you? And Neil Armstrong got an Academy Award (posthumously of course) for Best Leading Actor in a Space Movie (Apollo 11). In fact, he, Buzz, and Mr Collins even had to actually go into space to make it look realistic.
Not only that but the costs were huge to do all the CGI because back in the day they didn’t even have computer graphics. They only had pocket calculators the size of a room! Which is why they had to colour all the film and stills by hand (explains why all the pictures were so fuzzy – the artists had to use blunt colour pencils to keep down costs).
Then there were those special effects, like the flag fluttering on the Moon. That took a lot of work to move it with strings.
But not everything went to plan. You can still spot the bloopers. Like the Chevy ’69 parked behind the lunar module, visible to the extreme far right (at least, they say it was).
The Govt. had to pay for all that. That’s why they had to go underground to cough up the bucks.
So, now you know. But don’t tell anyone or they’ll be after you. Probably bug your bathroom or your bedroom. They are experts at bugging you.
I know it’s a theory that these theories are all connected. But you can prove it. Just like way back when all those clever people began playing records backwards to prove rock music was out to get you. And a few declared fluoride in your drinking water would make your skull pointy. And even today why a few people don’t want their kids vaccinated because the same monkeys that Elvis kept as pets (and later on sold through his estate to Jacko) got simian AIDs through using unsterilised needles to feed their drug fix.
This is serious stuff if it weren’t so darn stupid. But then, according to that conspiracy theory that all conspiracy theories are connected, nobody can prove a thing (and I’ve got the evidence to prove it).