Don’t Forget Photo Properties Full Size Add Comment View Slideshow
June 7th, 2013
Does this really mean anything? Or is Web English going psycho?
Consider the caption: “photo properties full size add comment view slideshow”. Got that? Cause I haven’t got the foggiest what that means.
Assuming you do decide to, “make your photo properties full size add comment view slideshow and hold onto your pixel for the benefit of all mankind”, I guess you’ll be in the zone. Ready for anything. On top of all that Web jargon and feeling super savvy. Meanwhile, I’m left confused, huddled in a dark corner, rocking back and forth, sucking my hanky.
Maybe, it’s the symptoms of too many website designers not getting enough sleep or taking unhealthy substances. They assume – after reading multiple screens full of machine code at 4.00 in the morning – that we all know what this stuff means.
And bizarrely, I have to admit that, after a few glasses of cheap wine, it kind of makes sense. That’s weird and it shows we must be a bit weird too for working it out.
When it come to Web browsing, as a regular good-natured Internet-browsing, mouse-clicking person, you’ve got hidden talents. One moment you’re clicking away, absentmindedly humming a few bars of music you just heard on the radio. Next minute, your brain cells are confronted with a message like “photo properties full size add comment view slideshow now!”
For a nanosecond you think, "More Internet stupid. Pfft! This stuff is pointless. Why are Web designers so weird?"
But, it might not be from a website designer. Could be from a software bot. The price we are paying for computerisation. Bloody robots and programs writing stuff on their own for the Internet and pretending to be real people.
Might be bot chat up line. For another software bot. Who knows what they get up to? Sharing program lines. Swapping data packets in the middle of the night, and making up their own language.
Maybe it’s deliberately trying to see if you're paying attention. Trying to test you out. See if you are on the ball and can work out their secret code.
That’s where you’ve got to get smart with this stuff. Where it says, “photo properties full size add comment view slideshow”, just go with it. Be daring. Click on it and boldly go where millions have clicked before (just to see what happens).
Reckon it might even be life changing. Doing a little thing like that. Especially if nothing happens.
Because then you wonder why you’re wasting your moments clicking on such rubbish when you should be outdoors. Getting a life. Playing lawn bowls, curling, or caber tossing. Or handfeeding great white sharks… in a cage.
See what I mean? Though you don’t really know how to “review your photo properties full size add comment view slideshow do-si-do and promenade round the room”, you think you could. Think you could click through to find out what it means. That would be logical, wouldn't it?
Then, when nothing happens you get a nano moment of disappointment. You got nothing out of taking that miniature risk. Now, you just want to move on at a microscopic level with your life. Put it behind you. Be glad nobody noticed.
Time to take a breath. Suck on your cuppa and give your kidneys a flush (in a couple of hours anyway).
Put all that photo properties full size add comment blah blah crap into the past. You’re moving on! No more clicking on that weird stuff. Better to check out this site instead. Find the truth about next to nothing and feel better for it. There. Said it. At least you’ll feel happier than clicking on that other stuff because at least this is stupidly written by a real person rather than a program writing a program writing a program. Now that's quality of life!