Those Ads That Make You Mad
Guess what! “You Can Get A Flatter Stomach In 30 Seconds”? While you are at it, you can also “Discover What Your Sleeping Positions Say About You”. That's why you're going mad.
Yes, MAD! The big guys have worked us out and set us up with clickbait. So, wherever you go you'll discover “Man Hands! Jerry Seinfeld's 10 Best Breakup Excuses”. Or, the handy “Orgasm Almanac: 10 Surprising Ways to Rock Her World”.
Surely, there has to be an end to this stuff.
And, the worst thing is, it doesn't even work. Well, not the ones I've tried...
It's shocking. Take: “The Top 20 Hottest Celebrity Women With Freckles”, “10 Things You Should Never Say To A Person Of Mixed Race” and “The One Crazy Food That Will Make You Forever Slim”. It's all drivel. All, con-artistry, whichever way your eyes roll.
In my dreams, “This One Simple Rule To Achieving A Six Pack” is going down! Yep. I'm changing it to a single family sized pack. And, when it says "Dermatologists Hate Her", I want them to make up. Be good friends and go out for drinks.
And, when it says, "How To Lose Pounds Of Belly Fat" I want them to add ".. And Then Find Them Again! Woohoo!" Those pounds must have rolled under the sofa.
Naturally, “Power Companies Hate This”. They do. They're all just sitting there at their consoles going, "Grrr! We're so angry!". That's understandable.
Just like, "When You Read These 19 Shocking Food Facts You'll Never Want To Eat Again". Okay, thanks guys. We're on a hunger strike now because of your ad. Gonna die soon. Appreciated the heads up though. Great ad too. High Five! Singlehandedly solved the overpopulation problem. You guys are legends.
At the end of the day (actually it's only 4.30, but anyway), I've got to admit we must have brought this stuff onto ourselves. Somehow.
Like when I saw “The New Testosterone Booster To Hit The Shelves”, I could have ignored it. Could have laughed it off. Stupid ad. Moronic. Who needs that stuff anyway?
Which is exactly why I'm trying to sell the last few cans I bought from them. It's crazy.
Mind you, when I read "Girl Eats 4000 Washing Up Sponges" it's a different story. A news story. Something you need to know and tell others about. That's important!
Except that they had me on that too. Yeah, and all through using one dumb trick.