What? You’ve been invited to do a 50th Anniversary Dinner Prayer? Lucky you.
Imagine reaching the remarkable milestone of your 50th wedding anniversary? That’s amazing! Especially if you’re not even married. But if you are and do reach this wonderful milestone, hopefully you can enjoy it together (and still have enough teeth to smile about it).
I say that because most of the couples I know who have had 50th Wedding Anniversaries are closer to each other than their own choppers. The latter seemed to have vanished, tooth by tooth. Replaced by shiny dentures as bright white as a laundry appliance.
So, for the more spiritually minded, having a 50th anniversary dinner prayer is the go. I reckon for the occasion it wouldn’t be quite right with giving some sort of thanks for the teeth they’ve got left. You could probably skip all the rest that’s sagging, bulging, bald, and creased.
You could pray the whole lot would come back. But that might cause problems. What if only one partner got their hair, teeth, and looks restored making them look like they were twenty again? Suddenly the old wrinkly guy with glasses down his nose would transform into her toyboy. That would cause ructions at the 70’s and Over Club for sure. He might get banned (and she might too).
Besides which, delivering a 50th Anniversary dinner prayer ought to focus on what a couple has got (not what they’ve lost).
Mind you, it’s a bit tacky praying for Jenny to miraculously develop the breasts of a twenty-five year old. Or, that Old Bob suddenly bulks up with pecs big enough to make him a Mr Universe contender. That’s probably a step too far. Probably get chucked out of the dinner, offering prayers like that.
So if you’ve been made to deliver the 50th Anniversary dinner prayer for the evening you better keep it sweet. Also short. People tend to fall asleep more easily at that age. And snoring during a prayer isn’t the best. Especially coming from the anniversary couple.
Reckon you ought to give thanks for the tucker, thanks for the company, thanks for the cooks, thanks for the couple, and thanks for the special occasion. You are done and dusted by then.
They probably picked you to deliver the thing because they hoped you wouldn’t the sort to waffle on. People get hungry, and then there’s dessert too. Can’t beat the food at an event like this. So any decent 50th Anniversary dinner prayer needs to recognize the importance of having a good time and not be boring.
That’s not to say, you ought to turn the whole 50th Anniversary dinner prayer gig into a food fest. Don’t pray, “Over the lips. Over the gums. Look at stomach, here it comes”. You won’t get prizes for that.
No, you need a sense of decorum, and if someone knows a bit of first aid, that would be handy too. Fractured hips and all that. That way, you could be done with the prayer and if old mate flips over and flops on the floor, you can get someone splinting him up and ready in a jiffy with the ambulance on its way quick as wink.
Above all, if you have been nominated to deliver the whole 50th anniversary dinner prayer thing, do this. Simply accept the nomination. Hover round the microphone (if there is one) and tell the crowd “There’s so many people you’d like to thank”. Then go through the extensive list. By the time you get to “being proud and humbled to accept the nomination,” going through your life story, and delivered the quick prayer, you’ll be sure to get a mighty “Amen” and sigh of relief from everyone.